Business Communication
ASSIGNMENT 7
Read the following messages, then (1) analyze the strengths and weaknesses of each sentence and (2) revise each document
Message A:
As an organization, the North American Personal Motor sports Marketing Association has committed ourselves to helping our members – a diverse group comprising of dealers of motorcycles, all-terrain vehicles, Snowmobiles, and personal watercraft – achieve their business objectives. Consequently, our organization, which usually goes under the initials NAPMMA, has the following aims, goals, and objectives. Firstly, we endeavour to aid or assist
Our members in reaching their business objectives. Second, NAPMMA communicates (“lobbying” in slang terms) with local, state, and national governmental agencies and leaders on issues of importance to our members. And lastly, we educate the motor sports public, that being current motors sports vehicle owners, and prospective owners of said vehicles, on the safe and enjoyable operation of they’re vehicles.
Message B:
Dear Ms. Giraud:
Enclosed herewith please find the manuscrip0t for your book, Careers in Wool-gathering. After persuing the first two chapters of your 1,500-page manuscript, I was forced to conclude that
The subject matter, handicrafts and artwork using wool fibers, is not coincident with the publishing program of Framingham Press, which to this date has issued only works on business endeavours, avoiding all other topics completely.
Although our firm is unable to consider your impressive work at the present time, I have taken the liberty of recording some comments on some of the pages. I am of the opinion that any feedback that a writer can obtain from those well versed in the publishing realm can only serve to improve the writer’s authorial skills.
In view of the fact that your residence is in the Boston area, might I suggest that you secure an appointment with someone of high editorial stature at the Cambridge Heritage Press, which I believe might have
Read the following messages, then (1) analyze the strengths and weaknesses of each sentence and (2) revise each document
Message A:
As an organization, the North American Personal Motor sports Marketing Association has committed ourselves to helping our members – a diverse group comprising of dealers of motorcycles, all-terrain vehicles, Snowmobiles, and personal watercraft – achieve their business objectives. Consequently, our organization, which usually goes under the initials NAPMMA, has the following aims, goals, and objectives. Firstly, we endeavour to aid or assist
Our members in reaching their business objectives. Second, NAPMMA communicates (“lobbying” in slang terms) with local, state, and national governmental agencies and leaders on issues of importance to our members. And lastly, we educate the motor sports public, that being current motors sports vehicle owners, and prospective owners of said vehicles, on the safe and enjoyable operation of they’re vehicles.
Message B:
Dear Ms. Giraud:
Enclosed herewith please find the manuscrip0t for your book, Careers in Wool-gathering. After persuing the first two chapters of your 1,500-page manuscript, I was forced to conclude that
The subject matter, handicrafts and artwork using wool fibers, is not coincident with the publishing program of Framingham Press, which to this date has issued only works on business endeavours, avoiding all other topics completely.
Although our firm is unable to consider your impressive work at the present time, I have taken the liberty of recording some comments on some of the pages. I am of the opinion that any feedback that a writer can obtain from those well versed in the publishing realm can only serve to improve the writer’s authorial skills.
In view of the fact that your residence is in the Boston area, might I suggest that you secure an appointment with someone of high editorial stature at the Cambridge Heritage Press, which I believe might have