Business Communication

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ASSIGNMENT 7

Read the following messages, then (1) analyze the strengths and weaknesses of each sentence and (2) revise each document

Message A:
As an organization, the North American Personal Motor sports Marketing Association has committed ourselves to helping our members – a diverse group comprising of dealers of motorcycles, all-terrain vehicles, Snowmobiles, and personal watercraft – achieve their business objectives. Consequently, our organization, which usually goes under the initials NAPMMA, has the following aims, goals, and objectives. Firstly, we endeavour to aid or assist Our members in reaching their business objectives. Second, NAPMMA communicates (“lobbying” in slang terms) with local, state, and national governmental agencies and leaders on issues of importance to our members. And lastly, we educate the motor sports public, that being current motors sports vehicle owners, and prospective owners of said vehicles, on the safe and enjoyable operation of they’re vehicles.

Message B:
Dear Ms. Giraud:
Enclosed herewith please find the manuscrip0t for your book, Careers in Wool-gathering. After persuing the first two chapters of your 1,500-page manuscript, I was forced to conclude that The subject matter, handicrafts and artwork using wool fibers, is not coincident with the publishing program of Framingham Press, which to this date has issued only works on business endeavours, avoiding all other topics completely.

Although our firm is unable to consider your impressive work at the present time, I have taken the liberty of recording some comments on some of the pages. I am of the opinion that any feedback that a writer can obtain from those well versed in the publishing realm can only serve to improve the writer’s authorial skills.

In view of the fact that your residence is in the Boston area, might I suggest that you secure an appointment with someone of high editorial stature at the Cambridge Heritage Press, which I believe might have something of an interest in works of the nature you have produced.

Wishing you the best of luck in your literary endeavors, I remain

Arthur J. Cogswell
Editor

MESSAGE A

Q 1. As an organization, the North American Personal Motor sports Marketing Association has committed ourselves to helping our members – a diverse group comprising of dealers of motorcycles, all-terrain vehicles, Snowmobiles, and personal watercraft – achieve their business objectives.

This statement is really long. It becomes difficult for readers. It would be better if they mention the company name as a letter head and used an abbreviation as NAPMMA. Instead of ourselves we would be better.

** aims, goals, and objectives. Firstly, we endeavour to aid or assist our members in reaching their business objectives. Second, NAPMMA communicates (“lobbying” in slang terms) with local, state, and national governmental agencies and leaders on issues of importance to our members. And lastly, we educate the motor sports public, that being current motors sports vehicle owners, and prospective owners of said vehicles, on the safe and enjoyable operation of they’re vehicles.

When a company is mentioning about the goals and aims it is very important they make it very simple and clear. This would be put in a bulleted way so that information is more productive. Usage of slang terms is not advisable. Using NAPMMA again when it’s already been introduced.

Q2. North American Personal Motor Sports Marketing Association
(NAPMMA)

NAPMMA is an organization committed to helping our members and achieves their business objectives. Our diverse group is comprised of dealers of motorcycles; all-terrain vehicles, snowmobiles, and personal watercraft to achieve their business objective.

The aims and objectives of the company are:
➢ Assisting members in reaching business goals.
➢ Members are respected.
➢ Educating motor sports vehicle and prospective owners.

Thanks & regards,...
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