What's the best way to unlock a woman's wildest desires in bed? "Passion," said 42 per cent of the women we surveyed. "That means being in the moment and not being distracted," says US psychologist Dr Joel Block, the author of Secrets of Better Sex. "Sex is a conversation, and she doesn't want to feel like you wish you had your BlackBerry." A woman takes attendance during sex in many ways, and the strongest signal you can send comes from your mouth. More than 90 per cent of women we surveyed said a man's primal panting turns them on. But use words over Tarzan grunts, if you can. "You want to reassure her: 'Do that more', 'That feels so good' or 'Oh, I love that'," says Dr Logan Levkoff, a US sexologist and the author of Third Base Ain't What It Used to Be. Beyond giving her a confidence boost, the extra sensory seduction intensifies the experience.
Nonverbal communication is important, too. Bursts of eye contact, lip nibbles and any other kind of physical or verbal communication shows her she's the one pushing your buttons, not some fantasy fembot in your head. If the soulful eye lock's not for you, bury your face in her neck, run the tip of your tongue from her collarbone to her earlobe and whisper why she's driving you crazy.
2. Foreplay can be the main event
"'Foreplay' is a terrible word because it implies that it's leading to something more important," says sexuality counsellor Dr Beverly Whipple, a co-author of The G Spot and Other Discoveries About Human Sexuality. “You'll both have more fun if you think of it as sex play and make it about discovering and enjoying each other, not just reaching the finish line."
The women we surveyed agreed: two in five said their last orgasm occurred during foreplay itself, not intercourse. What's more, when asked to rank their partners' bedroom skills, the women's top two complaints were a lack of sexual creativity and sub-par manual sex skills, in that order. Ouch.
Your move? Tell her you want to go three sack sessions without penetration. Ditching the same old script – foreplay, sex, cuddling – will help your creative instincts spring to life. Bonus: sexual novelty recreates those early relationship, take-me-now hormones, says psychiatrist Dr Daniel Amen, the author of Sex on the Brain: 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life.
3. Pleasure doesn't always equal satisfaction
The good news is you can give a woman both. In a Kinsey Institute study in the US, women and men agreed that sex without condoms feels better – but women said using protection actually helps them feel more satisfied overall in the sack. Even those using hormonal birth-control methods felt the effect: when they used condoms, they reported a 17.5 per cent higher rate of overall satisfaction with their sex lives.
Why? This one's a no-brainer. When women worry less (say, about sexually transmitted infections), they enjoy themselves more.
Our pick for the condom that packs both pleasure and satisfaction: the Ansell Zero, which at just 0.05 millimetres thick is one of the thinnest on the Australian market.
4. Learn the meaning of "Gentle"
“That word is a woman's code telling you to be more sensitive to her cues," says Block. The more nerve dense the hot spot is on a woman's body, the more careful your approach should be.
Clitoral contact in particular feels abrasive without a proper warm-up, says Lou Paget, a sex educator and the author of How to Be a Great Lover. If a woman yips or inhales suddenly when you go there – instead of purring or moaning – you've jumped the gun. Use indirect stimulation first, paying careful attention to her reactions as a guide.
The nerve-packed clitoris actually extends several inches under the skin on either side of her vagina (like a wishbone), which means you can massage it without direct pressure to the bud. Trace the extensions with flat, wide, extra-wet tongue strokes or slow...