Big Brother! Day 1 - Sadeck admits straight away that

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Big Brother! Day 1 - Sadeck admits straight away that he doesn't like the look of Alicia. He says she looks like a lesbian. As it turns out, Maeve is in fact the only lesbian in the house, although James later admits that he is unsure of his true sexuality.

2 - The house sits down for a discussion of how to organise simple chores. Julian creates tension by stating that the kitchen is where the women belong. Emma Pulman hits him with a Spoon.

3 - The housemates are set their first task by Big Brother - they must make a model of Eiffel Tower out of Chicken Tikka. After much persuasion by Julian, they gamble 50% of next week's food budget on completing the task.

4 - Training for the Eiffel Tower task is well under way. However havoc ensues when James, who is rapidly developing a reputation as the laziest fat bastard in the house, eats half the Chicken Tikka. Emma Pulman is furious.

5 - Today is the day when the Eiffel Tower task must be completed. Things are going well until shortly before the end when James farts and blows Eiffel Tower over. Big Brother announces that the task has been a failure. Alicia cries.

6 - Julian gets pecked on the arm by one of the Big Brother chickens. Not a very exciting day.

7 - Big Brother is worried that things are getting dull, so he summons the housemates to have a mass debate about sex. After far too many cans of cider, Alicia admits that she likes to be spanked on the arse with a Spoon. Sadeck says he never wears condoms because they make his Penis sore and Julian agrees. Maeve goes into a rant about how none of the other housemates have ever enjoyed a true orgasm because they're all boring heterosexual bastards. James sits in the corner, quietly eyeing up Julian.

8 - Today is the first day that the housemates must nominate someone to leave. Sadeck goes round everyone one by one, telling them he really likes them because they're the only one in the house that he can really relate to. Emma Pulman and Alicia are...
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