Being Friends with Your Ex

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FOR YOU it may seem simple: You don’t have sexual feelings for an ex but you like his/her company and he understands you better than anyone else. Your ex is your best friend, and a friend is just a friend, right? Not always.

There are several factors that come into play when an ex is still part of your life, and how you handle your present romantic relationship in connection to the old one will determine the role your old friend will play in your life.

No Comparison

It should go without saying that you should never compare your present love to any have come before. “You should try this dish, Billie really liked it.” Is probably not the best way to start a friendly dinner conversation.


Stories of your adventures may just seem like stories but the way they are told says a lot. If your past with your ex overshadows your present relationship, there may be a problem. It’s probably best to keep old stories to yourself. Stories of your hiking adventures may seem like interesting anecdotes to you , but they are insults to the one who didn’t get to enjoy the trip but has to endure the telling again and again. No one likes to be reminded that they were second on the scene and “love the one you’re with” means letting go of the past.

Quantity of Time

How much time you spend with your old friend is also important. If time you could be spending with your mate is being spend with your ex, you may want to reevaluate who is more important to you. A mate may resent being put in second place and an ex may believe there is more to the relationship than friendship if the balance of time is skewed. Setting a limit on time with your friend will make your mate happy and will make you less dependent on your friend.

Quality of Time

If you are going our for drinks with your friend but eating leftover pizza on the couch with your mate, there could be trouble ahead. Relationships are built on experience and new...
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