As English-language transcript

Transcript: Peter Kay on the Jonathan Ross Show
Key: JR → Jonathan Ross
PK → Peter Kay
[ ] → audience and camera
( ) → Paralinguistic Features
(.) / (number) → is the seconds in which they pause in speech
= → smooth exchange of speech
** … ** → indicating shouting
…- →indicating an unfinished word → simultaneous speech

JR: it is (.) the wonderful (2) Peter Kay ladies and gentlemen [audience applaud] (Peter Kay walks onto the stage in a costume of his new book) (Jonathan and Peter shake hands)
JR: you look like the elephant man
PK: what
JR: you look like the elephant man
PK: you what
JR: you’re like the elephant man
PK: I can’t hear you
JR: hahahha well let me help you here (.) what’s that you got in your hand
PK: where you sit
JR: where you sit here
PK: I got a book out [audience laugh]
PK: I got a book out (3) and the book company made me wear this
JR: they didn’t make you wear this
PK: no
JR: eh how did how did they make you wear this
PK: no (.) eh eh eh I signed a thing
[audience laugh]
JR: hahahahahaha
PK: im at a shoppin centre tomorra
JR: wearing that [audience laugh]
JR: yeah yeah yeah is is is that what you gotta do gotta do
PK: it’s what you gotta do now I got a book out
JR: you gotta wear it like that all round town
PK: I gotta do the plug aint i
JR: the book the books not
PK: you gotta book out an all aint ya [audience laugh]
JR: ah yeah but im not wearin it on my head
PK: its cause its your show int it dickhead
JR: that’s true that’s true [audience laugh]
PK: there you go (2) pull it by there you go got a bit a bit a swear word in
JR: oh hahahha oh how are you you look you look very well
PK: how are ya
JR: its lovely to see you
PK: Yeah (Jonathan and Peter hug with muffled speech) [audience ‘awww’] (Peter looks at audience like they