An Immodest Proposal for Dress Code Policy

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December 4, 2011

Sarah Hechtman
2223 34th Ave NW Jasper, FL 45002

RE: An Immodest Proposal for Dress Code Policy

Dear Ms. Hechtman:

Over the past few years of attending your otherwise exceptional high school, I’ve witnessed increasingly outlandish fashion statements, and would like to offer the following observations and a proposal.

While walking through the halls of Jasper High School during passing one encounters an outrageous sight. The girls wear skirts and shorts equivalent in length to their undergarments, and shirts that fail to cover much of their upper body. The boys flaunt trousers low enough that with the slightest tug they would fall to the ground. These modern styles of Jasper High School adolescents fall short of the dress code; no matter how much curling of the fingers or securing of the pants with the knees. Despite the schools countless efforts to enforce the appropriate dress code students continue to come to school dressed in raiment that leaves their genitalia barely covered.

As a member of the adolescent majority and third party witness to many lengthy and unnecessary disputes; I believe I know exactly the frustration you’re feeling as you try to address this situation. In my experience, the most effective method to deal with situations like this is to remove the source of conflict. In your case, the point of conflict is clothing. Therefore, I propose that instead of the staff of Jasper High School spending valuable time and effort enforcing a dress code, simply remove the dressing aspect entirely. Students will no longer have to come up with clever ways to attempt to fool the staff about the length of their garments, and the staff will no longer have to harass the students about their disgraceful outfits. Along with the student-administration conflict being eliminated, there are many other advantages to students coming to school in the nude.

First of all, parents will no longer spend hard earned time and money on...
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