All About Nothing: The Story of My Life
Perhaps the most important thing that has happened in my life is the
fact that nothing really big or important has ever happened in my life. For
example, my parents are still happily married, and nobody really close to me has
evr died. All of this is very unfortunate, I am sure, because if one of these
things had happened I would have been able to find a topic for this very essay
which I am writing very easily, and would not have had such a hard time getting
this essay in to my teacher on time. Nor have I rescued a little kitten from a
tree, which when I think about it is really unfortunate because then not only
would I have had a topic, but I might also have gotten my picture in the "
Hillsborough Beacon," or even in the "Somerset Messenger Gazette," which, in the
lingo of those in the news paper business, is the big time.' But there is
little point in even mentioning these things, because they have not happened,
and thus, I am left topicless. I could try to fool you with some far out,
totally unbelievable story about how I was in a car wreck involving at least two
dozen cars, including the president's limousine, and how despite having broken
two legs, an arm, in addition to various other body parts too numerous to
mention, I managed to drag myself out of the wrecked car (A job for the Jaws of
Life, for sure, had it been any other person but me in that car), and then how I
managed to haul all of the other survivors, among them the president himself,
out of their cars, and to safety, only moments before a small fire that was
caused by the crash reached the gas tank of one of the cars causing a breath-
taking chain reaction of explosions and fires seen and heard for miles around I
could...but I will not. In fact, I would not have it any other way.
If a highly important meaningful event had happened in my life, the
chances are that I would be a completely different person today than the Bill
that I am sure you... [continues]
Perhaps the most important thing that has happened in my life is the
fact that nothing really big or important has ever happened in my life. For
example, my parents are still happily married, and nobody really close to me has
evr died. All of this is very unfortunate, I am sure, because if one of these
things had happened I would have been able to find a topic for this very essay
which I am writing very easily, and would not have had such a hard time getting
this essay in to my teacher on time. Nor have I rescued a little kitten from a
tree, which when I think about it is really unfortunate because then not only
would I have had a topic, but I might also have gotten my picture in the "
Hillsborough Beacon," or even in the "Somerset Messenger Gazette," which, in the
lingo of those in the news paper business, is the big time.' But there is
little point in even mentioning these things, because they have not happened,
and thus, I am left topicless. I could try to fool you with some far out,
totally unbelievable story about how I was in a car wreck involving at least two
dozen cars, including the president's limousine, and how despite having broken
two legs, an arm, in addition to various other body parts too numerous to
mention, I managed to drag myself out of the wrecked car (A job for the Jaws of
Life, for sure, had it been any other person but me in that car), and then how I
managed to haul all of the other survivors, among them the president himself,
out of their cars, and to safety, only moments before a small fire that was
caused by the crash reached the gas tank of one of the cars causing a breath-
taking chain reaction of explosions and fires seen and heard for miles around I
could...but I will not. In fact, I would not have it any other way.
If a highly important meaningful event had happened in my life, the
chances are that I would be a completely different person today than the Bill
that I am sure you... [continues]
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