Improvements can be made in my essay in the areas of word choice and conventions. Throughout the essay, some words were used that should not have been. Above all, the biggest problem in this essay is the absence of a second counter argument. I was only able to write one body paragraph for the counter arguments, instead of two. In the future, I must improve on my conclusion and always keep it open. A small word choice error that can be improved is using the word “altered” instead of the word “made” with regards to my sentence about life being altered by multiple people. Another major problem that needs to be improved is the pronoun agreements, such as writing “their” or “they” instead of “his or her.” Improving on these conventions will only make my essay stronger and will receive a higher grade.
Overall, my essay was pretty decent since it is the first essay since last school year. Certain areas can definitely be improved to better my essay and make it stronger. In the future, In the future, it will be vital to remember to always use the proper essay structure and correct all the errors made in the past, such as pronoun agreements and other small conventions.