ADOLESCENCE & PROBLEMS
Professor Ana Maria Navarro Universidad de Ciencias de la Educacion, Universidad De Navarra Adolescence is a difficult time in the lives of young people both for themselves and their educators, parents and teachers. This period is normally associated with conflict, turmoil and tension. It is common for parents to be "demythologized in this period. The mass media plays an important role in this and also the so called drive for freedom without responsibility.
Adolescents accuse adults of:
Not giving them freedom Oppression Consumerism Authoritarianism Irresponsibility Corruption in politics, - etc.
On the other hand, adults accuse adolescents of:
Irresponsibility Inconsistency Destructiveness Impracticality Utopian idealism leading nowhere
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The result of this situation is a crisis of authority, which would not exist if there were: mutual acceptance based on respect; confidence; trust and understanding. Who suffers most? The adult suffers most because he or she is more mature and more conscious. What do parents do? And what should they do in this conflict?
Parents Normally Do
Sermonize Speak chapters Silence Insult Hurt Moralize
Praise or criticize in general Mix truths and betray loyalties Be too frank Make future predictions Speak in front of others Ask too many questions When a 3rd party complains to support the third party Think too much or too little answer Concede a lot Make them feel dependent Distrust Develop feelings of guilt: "You have cost us". Focus on defects
Parents Should Do
Wisdom commences when followed by listening
Speak with prudence even annoyed Praise or criticize the action not the person. Speak in a constructive way Be honest and loyal with the words used Be frank but do not offend. Speak clearly because rarely are you understood Stick to the present. Speak privately Ask why? Refer to anecdotes and let the adolescent makes his deductions Defend the adolescent Reflect enough to give a natural answer Demand the essential Make them sure of themselves Learn to experience the present failure with confidence in the final triumph Let them value personal effort Make virtue agreeable and attractive
What about the Parents then?
And eastern proverb suggests: “Tranquility before the inevitable and await change” but this is not enough. Parents should also know the positive side of the confrontation, crisis of their adolescent children and up to a certain point adapt themselves accordingly. If instability and contradiction occurs in the adolescents, they should concede or demand as befits in such moments, exercising to the limit, the virtue of flexibility (serenity). Never concede out of fear of provoking a conflict situation. If you do concede when an adolescent makes excessive demands in an aggressive tone, conflict is already there both from and in the adolescent. One can be tempted to be drawn to an indiscriminate concession by the manipulative force of the environment in which we live. To behave serenely in a conflict situation is the best defense for parents. Show the truth of the various criteria, which accompany a correct focus of personal life and behavior. Try to guide and to have this guidance accepted. Adolescents have more respect for authority than they indicate. They do not tolerate “pushover” parents easily.
WHAT CAN BE DONE?
Every adolescent has strengths and weaknesses: qualities; defects; limitations. Use these qualities and put them into action but in what? What characteristics have adolescents? Dreaming; idealism; show off behavior; contradictory action; dogmatic manners; intransigence; black or white understanding; intolerance and tolerance at the same time; impatience. Link dreams with activity: work; study; social work; sport; cultural activity; this will open them to other people and to use their time well. If they do not use their creative spirit in...