* Aristotle called humans “the social animal”.
* Need to belong: a motivation to bond with others in relationships that provide ongoing, positive interactions. * Power of social attachments; group survival for our ancestors, children to heterosexual male and females, enhance survival for children and their caregivers, can dominate emotion and thinking for people everywhere, healthy relationships breed high self-esteem, rejection can lead to depression. * Reminders of death heighten our need to belong.
* When we belong, we feel happier and healthier.
* Happiness is feeling connected, free and capable.
* Humans in all cultures use ostracism to regulate social behaviour. * People respond to ostracism with depressed mood, anxiety, hurt feelings, efforts to restore relationship, and eventual withdrawal. * Silent treatment is emotional abuse.
* Exclusion hurts most for anxious people.
* Ostracized people exhibit heightened activity in a brain cortex area that also is activated in response to physical pain. * Ostracism seems to be real pain; people relive past social pain more easily than past physical pain. * An exclusion experience triggers mimicry of others' behaviour as a non-conscious effort to build a rapport. What leads to friendship and attraction?
* Factors that nurture liking and loving and help initiate attraction; proximity, physical attractiveness, similarity and feeling liked. Proximity:
* Proximity (functional distance): geographical nearness. * One of the most powerful predictors of whether any two people are friends is proximity. * Can also breed hostility, but more often kindles liking. * People usually marry people they met at school, work, or their neighbourhood. * Interaction:
* Even more significant than geographical distance is functional distance; how often people's paths cross. * Interaction enables people to explore their similarities, to sense one another's liking, and to perceive themselves as a social unit. * Identical twins don't necessarily share attraction to each others' partners. * We bond to whoever is near.
* With repeated exposure to someone, our infatuation may fix on almost anyone who has roughly similar characteristics and who reciprocates our affection. * Proximity can breed liking due to availability.
* Anticipation of interaction:
* Merely anticipating interaction also boosts liking.
* Expecting to date someone similarly boosts liking.
* This is adaptive because anticipatory liking (expecting that someone will be pleasant and compatible) increases the chance of a rewarding relationship. * Our lives are filled with relationships with people whom we may not have chosen but with whom we need to have continuing interactions (ex: roommates, coworkers, etc.). Liking such people is surely conducive to better relationships with them, which in turn makes for happier, productive living. * Mere exposure:
* Mere exposure to all sorts of novel stimuli (ex: musical selections, nonsense syllables, etc.) boosts people's ratings of them. * Mere exposure effect: the tendency for novel stimuli to be liked more or rated more positively after the rater has been repeatedly exposed to them. * French students rate capital W, the least frequent letter in French, as their least favourite letter. * Japanese students prefer letters from they name and numbers from their date of birth. * This is called the name letter effect.
* The mere-exposure effect violates the commonsense prediction of boredom (decreased interest) regarding repeatedly heard music or frequently tasted foods. * Unless the repetitions are incessant, familiarity usually doesn't breed contempt; it increases liking. * Mere exposure breeds pleasant feelings; even exposure without awareness leads to liking. * Has an even stronger effect when people perceive stimuli...