What’s Love Got to Do with It?
Dr. Salome Dubenetzky
January 7, 2013
Attraction is defined as a person or thing that draws, attracts, allures, or entices; a characteristic or quality that provides pleasure, an attractive feature. Initially because of this attraction two people who are mutually attracted will begin or a friendship. In the beginning of a relationship love is strong and it covers a multitude of faults and weaknesses, but after the hormones settle it is important to look at the person next to you and have great respect and a genuine likeness for them. After all it is better to really like that person and their qualities, than being caught up in your emotions that may change at any time, actually what does love have to do with anything anyway. There are six factors that contribute to attraction. (1) People that we are close to; for example those that we work with, share apartment buildings with, or maybe those that we attend church with. I met my husband at work; I worked first shift, and he in worked the second shift in the same department. We always spoke on my way out, as I did what was called shift change, and the rest is history. One interesting by product of the just being exposed effect is our tendency to prefer mirror images of ourselves, while our friends prefer our true image. Because most people see themselves in a mirror more than they see their true image, they come to like their mirror image more than their true image. Friends and family rarely see our image in the mirror, so they prefer the true image (Mita, Dermer, & Knight, 1977). (2) We like people who are attractive; attractiveness seems to be one the most important factor in a relationship, even though that is so superficial and will not last. Studies have shown that newlyweds, attractive individuals were not any more satisfied with their marriage than those who were less attractive. In fact, more attractive husbands were less satisfied (Feenstra, 2011). (3) Those that match us; while individuals might desire a relationship with an attractive other, the attractive person might not desire a relationship with the not-so-attractive individual. Most people, therefore, expect to
and tend to end up with someone who is close to them in physical attractiveness (Berscheid, Dion, Walster, & Walster, 1971; Montoya, 2008). This tendency to have relationships with those who match us is called the matching hypothesis. If you genuinely liked the person’s qualities none of this would matter. (4) Those that are similar to us; in general, we like and want to interact with those who are similar to us in values and interests (Byrne, London, & Reeves, 1967; Johnson, 1989). Being involved with a person that has similar interest is a plus for your relationship, even the Bible teaches us to be evenly yoked. It asked the question how can two walk together unless they agree. This simply means unless they be of the same mind or on the same accord. (5) We have equitable relationship with; Equity involves receiving benefits proportional to what one provides (Hatfield, 1983). According to equity theory, it is not the overall amount one receives from a relationship that is important; it is whether or not what one gives and what one gets are equal. Love does not keep a running tab; nor does it matter if the percentage isn’t equal; love covers a multitude of faults and short comings. (6) Those who are hard to get; the idea of playing hard to get is part of our culture. Individuals who play hard to get are selective in their social choices. Much of the advice about playing hard to get, and therefore the research on the idea, focuses on women playing hard to get in their potential romantic relationships. It has always been said that anything that comes to easy, should be questioned, from experience men tend to love a chase, but then...