Herbert Fletcher University
Course: S2 2011-2012 MCAL 612 IB Pastoral Care and Counseling Course Facilitator: Dr. Simon Bwambale
Introduction: Chapter 1:
I’ve chosen this topic because of the vast growing youths of our society and church whose minds have been educated at an earlier stage than those ten years ago. Many youths of the church have absorbed the norms of the secular dating style and must be educated of the benefits of bible based dating and courtship, not disciplined. Although the words “courtship” and “dating” are not found in the Bible, we are given some principles that Christians are to go by during the time before marriage.
There is an increasing in trends that threaten marriage, bible based dating and courtship. In order to have a successful marriage we must know how to deal with difficult situations. These difficult situations may involve: equality/ submission concerns, finances, family of origin issues, family planning, Parenting, in-laws, domestic violence, sexuality problems, infidelity, gender issues, health concerns, pornography, house chores, stress, cultural differences, and even sleeping together. Husbands and wives need to identify if they are savers or spenders and should develop a financial plan to discuss their finances on a regular basis. If there are no understanding and flexibility with their finances there can be a budget war.
Similar to money the issues of house chores affect marriage more than couples dating, since, a lot more responsibility is demanded by both spouses. House chores are to be shared equally, but some spouses in contemporary marriages challenges the relationships by not cooperating or pulling their weight in their duties.
If a vegetarian and a meat eater decides to date or even marry, their relationship is bound to fail since mixed diet issues can severely challenge a relationship. Sexual issues can tear a marriage and couples dating apart due to lack of communication between couples (Love Band- Aid, 2010). There are often problems in contemporary marriages due to low sex drive, marital rape, and infidelity even during courtship. The key to great sex is communication (Love Band-Aid, 2010). Marriage or dating couples should spend more time with each other in order to work on their communication skills.
Infidelity can really hurt a contemporary marriage and will take, energy and forgiveness for the couple to want to save their marriage or relationship. Contemporary marriages and dating relationships often end due to one partner having an affair. Even though the marriage hasn't been ended, the there will still be evidence of mistrust in the relationship for a long period.
For Christians this negative swerve is at the root of dating problems. Intimacy without commitment awakens desires–emotional and physical–that neither person can justly meet. In 1 Thessalonians 4:6 (KJV) the Bible calls this “defrauding,” ripping someone off by raising expectations but not delivering on the promise. Pastor Stephen Olford describes defrauding as “arousing a hunger we cannot righteously satisfy” — promising something we cannot or will not provide (Harris, 1997). Intimacy without commitment, like icing without cake, can be sweet, but it ends up making us sick.
In dating, romantic attraction is often the relationship’s cornerstone. The premise of dating is “I’m attracted to you; therefore, let’s get to know each other” (Harris, 1997). The premise of friendship, on the other hand, is “We’re interested in the same things; let’s enjoy these common interests together” (Harris, 1997) If, after developing a friendship, romantic attraction forms, that’s an added bonus. Intimacy without commitment is defrauding. Intimacy without friendship is superficial. A relationship based only on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feelings last.
Focusing on the physical is...